Where do I Begin?

I haven't posted anything since last Friday. I'm a slacker. Actually I've just been very very busy with work and then I literally fall into bed when I get my little one to sleep.

In a nutshell here's what my week has consisted of:

-Traveling to Charlotte, NC for "fake" Christmas with my family plus celebrating two birthdays (my Mom and nephew) - pics to come.
- Ran 7 miles on the trail behind my parents house. I love that trail. I miss that trail. It ends right accross the street from a Starbucks and Trader Joes. If I had my debit card on me I would have totally gotten a coffee and gone shopping and just called someone to come get me. But I didn't so I ran back to my parents house.
- Drove home and then had to do laundry, clean and get ready for the work week.
- I worked all week. It was busy.
- Ran during the week at the butt crack of dawn. Scratch that it wasn't even dawn yet.
- Ran 19 miles today and then had to go to my husband's company Holiday lunch (because in this day in age you can't call it a Christmas lunch anymore. Gotta be PC).

About those 19 miles.......

It blew.

I walked.

I cried.

I even threw my water bottle and then sat in the grass and called my sister. I mean who would have thought a 31 year old could throw a tantrum like that. I learned it from my daughter :)

I love my sister, she's always so positive. She's not a runner but she just makes me feel like a good person.

Then I called my husband who pretty much told me the same thing my sister did: Don't quit.

Then I came home and e-mailed a blogger who kicks ass at the marathon and she gave me some awesome advice too. (Thanks Skinny Runner!)

General consensus: Don't quit. Everyone has bad runs now and then. I have trained way too hard and come to far to quit now. I can still do this!

However I had a huge blow to my confidence today. This 20 miler, which actually was only 19, was supposed to be better than the last. I was supposed to feel strong. I was supposed to run the entire time and feel ready for the marathon in 3 weeks.

Instead I felt awful from the first 3 miles till 12 and then had to walk/run the rest if the way. I mostly walked. And cried. I think a biker thought something was wrong because he looked back at me several times. No worries Mr. Bike Rider, just being a cry baby! Thanks though! My stomach was rejecting any water and energy chews. I knew if I ate one more I'd hurl all over the place.

I just didn't have it in me today. I admit I've been feeling very tired and burned out lately. Maybe this is my body's way of telling me to rest. Seriously I shut down physically and mentally today.

So I'm going to take the next couple of days and enjoy Christmas with my husband and daughter. I'll pick it back up on Monday and then enjoy my taper. I will hope for the best on Marathon day. I know I can make it 20 miles and it's ok to walk!

Half marathon is by far my favorite distance so after this marathon I think I will focus on that. I'm still excited for the marathon, just don't feel as ready as I hoped I would.

Merry Christmas to everyone!