Frustrated

I did not make it to the gym this morning. As I mentioned on my last post my husband had to be out of the house early to go out of town for the day for work. Because that leaves me to get myself and my daughter up and ready, I decided to not go and give myself more time to do everything that needed to get done in the morning. I was bummed but it's OK. Apparently I was tired because I didn't even hear him get up and get ready, I was out cold. I could attempt to go tonight but he's not sure when he'll be home tonight so that, once again, leaves me to handle everything at home, make sure dogs are fed, make sure Sophie is fed, dishes, bed, bath. Doesn't leave me much time to get done what I need to get done. Just the way it is sometimes.

I could try and do some weights or P90X after Sophie goes to bed but to be honest at 9:00 at night I am exhausted and need to get to sleep so I can attempt to make it to the gym the next morning.

This has been a difficult week for me because I'm suffering from major PMS (sorry but I am). Ever since I had Sophie and stopped breastfeeding my PMS has been crazy. At first my hormones were all over the place and I felt crazy to the point my husband wanted me to get medicine. I am against self medicating so I told him to suck it up and help me through it. Really I was just a first time mom, sleep deprived and working full time and just a tad bit stressed. Unfortunately when it's PMS week it's all intensified.

Over the year I feel my emotions have somewhat stabilized but the physical symptoms are still so very extreme. I bloat. Not just a little water retention but like an extra 4-5 pounds! My pants are a little tighter and I feel like I have a muffin top. Sorry but I do. If I were to pudge out my stomach right now I would look 3 months pregnant. Seriously. It's very frustrating. My rings are a little tighter and it pisses me off to see the scale fluctuate so much during this time. My skin breaks out and I look and feel disgusting. I tried on pants the other day at the store and they felt tight and I almost cried. I refuse to be on birth control at this point in my life.

I go through this every month you'd think I'd be used to it by now. The thing is, I've gained a few pounds over the course of the year. Sure it could be muscle but I looked and felt better last year before I started doing more distance. Maybe because last year I was still having fun with running and this year it became a little more serious. Not sure but I feel an added pressure when I see the scale starting to go up. I feel like all this hard work is backfiring on me.

I eat fairly well. I try to make good decisions on what I eat now a days. We cook more, only ordering out on Friday's because, let's face it, who wants to cook on a Friday night after a long week at work? Not me!! Plus I have more time on the weekends to make a nice meal for my family. I still eat things that I shouldn't be. I love french fries, I love ice cream - any sweets really, I love a good burger, I love chips. Really anything that's bad. However I make good decisions more than I make bad ones. I am currently trying to rid our pantry of a lot of processed foods. I read labels more and watch the fat content and ingredients. I recently discovered that my beloved Jiff Reduced Fat peanut butter has zinc oxide listed as an ingredient. Zinc oxide is what's in diaper rash cream. That's just gross. So now I need to find an alternative to my Jiff.

I know what I need to do, I just don't (once again) have all the extra time in the world to do it, like various training exercises (track runs, temp runs, speed work, hills), I try to mix up my treadmill workouts but I can't quite make it to the high school track at 4:30 a.m. or during the week when the students are using it. I don't have time to make "from scratch" meals. I don't shop at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's because I don't live near one and the Trader Joe's that opened up in Mt. Pleasant is so crowded on the weekends (I'm letting all the hype die down before I go).

Today I read a blog and the girl said that running did nothing for her body but when she started mixing in kickboxing, yoga, and other various exercises her body started changing and the weight melted off. I think that's where I'm at right now. Maybe I run too much and my body is too used to it. I need more cross training. I will work on that.

I will also work on eating better. I have made great improvements over the last year but I need to do more. My daughter is turning into a picky eater and I hate that. Then again she's only two and one week she loves green beans, they next week she hates them. Eating better will help me lose this stubborn chub that I can't seem to get rid of.

Sorry for my brain dump, I blame the hormones :) Next week will be better.